游戏治疗体验沙龙刚公布就爆满，应大家的需求，特意加场。
第一场：2018.6.20周三晚上19:30（已满）
第二场：2018.6.23周六下午15:00
第三场：2018.7.1周日晚上19:30
报名方式：微信搜索15248927645
翻译：阿波罗教育翻译组
本文为10月21-24日美国华盛顿游戏治疗主席Cary Hamilton的课程“游戏治疗全接触”的课程资料。
CHILD-PARENT-RELATIONSHIP (C-P-R) TRAINING
亲子关系（C-P-R）培训
（一）
Play Session Do’s & Don’ts – Session 3
游戏单元“要”和“不要”- 第三节
Parents: Your major task is to keenly show interest in your child’s play and to communicate your interest in, and understanding of, your child’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior through your words, actions, and undivided focus on your child.
家长：主要任务是通过你的语言、行动、对孩子毫不分心的关注，来真诚地呈现对孩子游戏的兴趣，传达出你的兴趣，并理解你的孩子的想法、感受、行为。
Do: 要：
1.Do set the stage. 要设置舞台。
a. Prepare play area ahead of time (old blanket can be used to establish a visual boundary of the play area, as well as provide protection for flooring; a cookie sheet under the arts/crafts materials provides a hard surface for playdough, drawing, and gluing, and provides ease of clean up).
提前准备游戏区（可以用用过的毛毯为游戏区设置一个清晰可见的边界，同时提供地板活动的保护；在美术／手工用品下可以垫一张垫板，这样可以玩橡皮泥、画画、粘贴提供一个坚实的平面，也容易清洁）。
b. Display the toys in a consistent manner around the perimeter of the play area.
用一种整齐一致的方式将玩具摆放在游戏区的周边。
c. Convey freedom of the special playtime through your words: “During our special playtime, you can play with the toys in lots of the ways you’d like to.”
通过你的言语传达出在这个特别游戏时间的自由：“在我们特别的游戏时间里，你可以用你想用的各种各样的方法玩这些玩具。”
d. Allow your child to lead by returning responsibility to your child by responding, “That’s up to you,” “You can decide,” or “That can be whatever you want it to be.”
通过把责任给回孩子来允许孩子带领，你可以回应：“取决于你的想法。”“你可以决定。”或“你想让它成为什么样都可以。”
2.Do let the child lead. 要让孩子带领。
Allowing the child to lead during the playtime helps you to better understand your child’s world and what your child needs from you. Convey your willingness to follow your child’s lead through your responses: “Show me what you want me to do,” “You want me to put that on,” “Hmmm.,” or“I wonder” Use whisper technique (co-conspirators) when child wants you to play a role: “What should I say?” or “What happens next?” (Modify responses for older kids: use conspiratorial tone, “What happens now?” “What kind of teacher am I?” etc.)
允许孩子在游戏时间带领可以帮助你更好地理解孩子说的话，理解你的孩子从你这里需要什么。通过你的回应，传达出你愿意跟随孩子带领的意愿：“让我看看你想让我做什么”“你想让我把那个放上去”“嗯……”或“我很好奇……”当孩子想让你扮演一个角色时可以用低语的技巧（像同谋一样）悄声说：“我应该说什么呢？”或“下面会发生什么？”（跟大一些的孩子玩时可以像同谋一样说：“现在发生什么呢？”“我是一个什么样的老师？”，等等）
3.Do join in the child’s play actively, as a follower.
要作为一个跟随者，积极加入孩子的游戏。
Convey your willingness to follow your child’s lead through your responses and your actions, by actively joining in the play (child is the director, parent is the actor): “So I’m supposed to be the teacher,” “You want me to be the robber, and I’m supposed to wear the black mask,” “Now I’m supposed to pretend I’m locked up in jail, until you say I can get out,” or “You want me to stack these just as high as yours.” Use whisper technique in role-play: “What should I say?” “What happens next?”
用回应和行动传达出跟随孩子带领的意愿，积极加入游戏中（孩子是导演，家长是演员）：“那我就该做老师啰”“你想让我扮演抢匪，那我该带上那个黑色的面具了”“现在我该假装自己被锁在监狱里，除非你说我能出来我才可以出来”或“你想让我把那些堆得跟你的那堆一样高。”在角色扮演中用低语的技巧说：“我应该说什么呢？”或“下面会发生什么？”
4.Do verbally track the child’s play (describe what you see).
要用言语追踪孩子的游戏
Verbally tracking your child’s play is a way of letting your child know that you are paying close attention and that you are interested and involved: “You’re filling that all the way to the top,” “You’ve decided you want to paint next,” or “You’ve got ‘em all lined up just how you want them.”
用言语追踪孩子的游戏是一种让孩子知道你在密切关注、你很感兴趣、你在参与的方法：“你一直把它填满，填到顶了，”“你已经决定了下面你要画什么，”或“你已经把按你想要的样子排好它们了。”
5.Do reflect the child’s feelings.
要反映孩子的感受。
Verbally reflecting children’s feelings helps them feel understood and communicates your acceptance of their feelings and needs: “You’re proud of your picture,” “That kind’a surprised you,” “You really like how that feels on your hands,” “You really wish that we could play longer,” “You don’t like the way that turned out,” or “You sound disappointed.” (Hint: Look closely at your child’s face to better identify how your child is feeling.)
用言语来反映孩子的感受可以让他们感到被理解，同时传达你对他们感受和需要的接纳：“你对你的画感到很骄傲，”“那好像有些让你惊讶，”“你很喜欢手上的感觉，”“你很希望我们能再多玩一会儿，”“你不喜欢最后呈现的方式，”或“听起来你很失望。”（小提示：可以仔细观察孩子的脸，从而更好地判断孩子的感受。”
6.Do set firm and consistent limits.
要设定坚定一致的边界。
Consistent limits create a structure for a safe and predictable environment for children. Children should never be permitted to hurt themselves or you. Limit setting provides an opportunity for your child to develop self-control and self-responsibility. Using a calm, patient, yet firm voice, say, “The floor’s not for putting playdough on; you can play with it on the tray” or “I know you’d like to shoot the gun at me, but I’m not for shooting. You can choose to shoot at that”(point to something acceptable).
一致的边界为孩子创造出一种安全、可预见的环境。绝不应允许孩子伤害自己或伤害你。边界的设定为你的孩子提供了一个机会，来发展自我控制和自我责任。用一种冷静、耐心、坚定的声音说：“地板不是用来玩橡皮泥的，你可以在托盘上玩橡皮泥。”或“我知道你想用枪射我，但我不是用来被射击的对象。你可以选择向那个射击（指向某个可接受的东西）。
7.Do salute the child’s power and encourage effort.
要向孩子的力量致敬并鼓励孩子的努力。
Verbally recognizing and encouraging your child’s effort builds self-esteem and confidence and promotes self-motivation: “You worked hard on that!” “You did it!” “You figured it out!” “You’ve got a plan for how you’re gonna set those up,” “You know just how you want that to be,” or “Sounds like you know lots about how to take care of babies.”
用言语来认可并鼓励孩子的努力可以构建自尊、自信，并提升自我动机：“你在那方面做得很努力！”“你做到了！”“你解决了！”“你想出了一个要如何把它们设立好的计划，”“你知道自己想怎么做，”或“听起来你对照顾婴儿这方面了解的很多。”
8.Do be verbally active. 要积极使用言语。
Being verbally active communicates to your child that you are interested and involved in her play. If you are silent, your child will feel watched. Note: Empathic grunts—“Hmm.”and so forth—also convey interest and involvement, when you are unsure of how to respond.
积极使用言语可以传达给你的孩子：你很感兴趣，你在参与她的游戏。如果你很安静，你的孩子会感到在被监视。
注意：如果你不确定该如何回应时，也可用带有共情的低声“嗯……”等等传达出你的兴趣和参与。
Don’t: 不要：
1. Don’t criticize any behavior.
不要批评任何行为。
2. Don’t praise the child.
不要赞赏孩子。
3. Don’t ask leading questions.
不要问引导性的问题。
4. Don’t allow interruptions of the session.
不要让一次活动被打断。
5. Don’t give information or teach.
不要给信息或是教授什么东西。
6. Don’t preach.
不要说教。
7. Don’t initiate new activities.
不要发起新活动。
8. Don’t be passive or quiet.
不要被动或沉默无语。
(前7条“不要”选自Guerney, 1972 )
Remember the “Be With” Attitudes: Your intent in your responses is what is most important. Convey to your child: “I am here—I hear/see you—I understand—I care.”
铭记“同在”的态度：你回应中蕴含的意图是最重要的。传达给你的孩子这样的讯息：“我在这里－我听见／看见你－我理解－我关心。”
Reminder: These play session skills (the new skills you are applying) are relatively meaningless if applied mechanically and not as an attempt to be genuinely empathic and truly understanding of your child. Your Intent & Attitude Are More Important Than Your Words!
提醒：这些游戏治疗中的技能（你所应用的新技能）如果只是被机械地使用，而不是试图以真诚地共情和真正理解你的孩子，就会相对来说失去意义。你的意图和态度要比你的言语更重要！
（二）
Play Session Procedures Checklist – Session 3
游戏单元过程检查单- 第三节
Depending on age of child, may need to remind him or her: “Today is the day for our special playtime!”
取决于孩子的年龄，可能需要提醒他／她：“今天有我们特别的游戏时间！”
A. Prior to Session (Remember to “Set the Stage”)
治疗前（记住要“设置舞台”）
☐ Make arrangements for other family members (so that there will be no interruptions).
安排好其他家庭成员（以免于被打断）。
☐ Set up toys on old quilt—keep toy placement predictable.
把玩具放在一块旧毯子上——用一种可预测的方式摆放玩具。
☐ Have a clock visible in the room (or wear a watch).
在房间里放一个能看到的钟（或带一块手表）。
☐ Put pets outside or in another room.
把宠物安置在房间外或另一个房间。
☐ Let the child use the bathroom prior to the play session.
让孩子在治疗时间前先去洗手间。
☐ Switch on video recorder.
打开视频记录。
B. Beginning the Session 治疗开始
☐ Child and Parent: Hang “Do Not Disturb” sign (can also “unplug” phone if there is one in play session area).
Message to child: “This is so important that No One is allowed to interrupt this time together.”
孩子和家长：挂好“请勿打扰”的标志（如果在游戏区有一个手机，也可以“拔掉”手机）
给孩子的讯息：“没人可以打扰我们这一段时间，这特别重要。”
☐ Tell Child: “We will have 30 minutes of special playtime, and you can play with the toys in lots of the ways you want to.” (Voice needs to convey that parent is looking forward to this time with child.)
告诉孩子：“我们会有30分钟的特别游戏时间，你可以用你想用的很多方式去玩玩具。”（声音需要传达出：家长很期待与孩子共度这段时间。）
☐ From this point, let the child lead.
从这里开始，让孩子带领。
C. During the Session 治疗期间
☐ Sit on the same level as child, close enough to show interest but allowing enough space for child to move freely.
跟孩子坐在同样的高度上，距离要接近到表现出你很感兴趣，但也要允许孩子有足够的空间可以自由移动。
☐ Focus your eyes, ears, and body fully on child. (Toes Follow Nose!) Conveys full attention!
用你的眼睛、耳朵、身体全然关注孩子。（从头到脚！）传递全然的关注。
☐ Your voice should mostly be gentle and caring, but vary with the intensity and affect of child’s play.
你的声音应该以温和和关心为主，但可以在强度和对孩子游戏的感受上有所不同。
☐ Allow the child to identify the toys. [To promote make-believe play (i.e., what looks like a car to you might be a spaceship to your child), try to use nonspecific words (“this,” “that,” “it”) if child hasn’t named toy.]
允许孩子命名玩具。［促进“相信”游戏（如：对你来说像车的玩具可能对孩子来说是宇宙飞船），如果孩子还没有为玩具命名可以试着使用指代词（这个，那个，它）］
☐ Play actively with the child, if the child requests your participation.
如果孩子请你参与，就积极与孩子一同游戏。
☐ Verbally reflect what you see and hear (child’s play/activity, thoughts, feelings).
用言语反映你看到和听到的（孩子的游戏／活动，思考，感受）
☐ Set limits on behaviors that make you feel uncomfortable.
为让你不舒服的行为设定限制。
☐ Give five-minute advance notice for session’s end and then a one-minute notice. (“Billy, we have five minutes left in our special playtime.”)
在结束之前提前五分钟告知孩子，然后再提前一分钟告知。
（“Billy, 我们的特殊游戏时间还有5分钟。”）
D. Ending the Session结束治疗
☐ At 30 minutes, stand and announce, “Our playtime is over for today.” Do not exceed time limit by more than two to three minutes.
到30分钟时，站起来宣布：“我们今天的游戏时间结束了。”不要超过时间设置多过两三分钟。
☐ Parent does the cleaning up. If child chooses, child may help. (If child continues to play while “cleaning,” set limit below.)
家长来做清扫整理。如果孩子选择，也可以帮助。（如果孩子在整理时仍在玩耍，用下面的方式设定限制。”
☐ If child has difficulty leaving:
如果孩子难以离开：
~ Open the door or begin to put away toys.
打开门或开始收起玩具。
~ Reflect child’s feelings about not wanting to leave, but calmly and firmly restate that the playtime is over. (Restate limit as many times as needed—the goal is for child to be able to stop herself.)
“I know you would like to stay and play with the toys, but our special playtime is over for today.”
反映孩子不想离开的感受，但冷静坚定地重申游戏时间结束了。（需要重申多少次时间限制就重申多少次——目标是孩子最终能自己结束。）
“我知道你想留下来继续玩玩具，但我们今天的特别游戏时间结束了。”
~ Adding a statement that gives child something to look forward to helps child see that, although she cannot continue to play with the special toys, there is something else she can do that is also enjoyable.
补充一个陈述，让孩子有一些可以期待的东西，帮助孩子看到，即使她不能继续玩这些玩具，她还有一些很好玩的事情可以做。
For example: 例如：
1. “You can play with the toys next week during our special playtime.”
“你可以在下周我们特别的游戏时间玩这些玩具。”
2. “It’s time for snack; would you like grapes or cherries today?”
“到我们的零食时间了；你今天想要葡萄还是樱桃？”
3. “We can go outside and play on the trampoline.”
“我们可以出去玩蹦床。”
Note: Patience is the order of the day when helping child to leave—OK to repeat limit calmly several times to allow child to struggle with leaving on her own. (Key is showing empathy and understanding in your voice tone and facial expressions as you state the limit). Younger children may need more time to ‘hear’ limit and respond.
注意：家长要发布当天孩子离开游戏的指令——冷静地重复几次时间限制，允许孩子有些挣扎地自己离开是没问题的。（关键在于当你申明限制时，用你的声音和面部表情表达共情和理解）。较小的孩子可能需要更多的时间真正“听到”限制并回应。
Never use Special Playtime for a reward or consequence—NO matter the child’s behavior that day!
绝不要用特别游戏时间作为奖励或惩罚——无论孩子当天的行为如何！
（三）
Rules of Thumb & Other Things to Remember – Session 10经验法则与其他要记住的事- 第十节
Rules of Thumb 经验法则
1. Focus on the donut, not the hole!
关注甜甜圈，而不是洞！
Focus on the relationship (your strengths and your child’s strengths), NOT the problem.
关注关系（你的优势和孩子的优势），而不是问题。
2. Be a thermostat, not a thermometer!
做一个恒温器，而不是温度计！
Learn to RESPOND (reflect) rather than REACT. The child’s feelings are not your feelings and needn’t escalate with him/her.
学习去回应（反映）而不是反应。孩子的感受不是你的感受，不需要扩大那些感受。
3. What’s most important may not be what you do, but what you do after what you did!
最重要的可能不是你做了什么，而是你做了某事之后又做了什么。
We are certain to make mistakes, but we can recover. It is how we handle our mistakes that makes the difference.
我们当然会犯错，但我们会恢复。关键是我们如何处理我们犯下的错误，这会带来不同。
4. The parent’s toes should follow his/her nose.
家长的脚趾应该跟上鼻尖。
Body language conveys interest.
身体语言传达了兴趣。
5. You can’t give away what you do not possess.
你无法放弃你并不拥有的。
(Analogy: oxygen mask on airplane) You can’t extend patience and acceptance to your child if you can’t first offer it to yourself.
（类比：飞机上的氧气面罩）如果你不能首先给自己耐心和接纳，就无法给孩子。
6. When a child is drowning, don’t try to teach her to swim.
当孩子要溺水时，就别教她／他游泳了。
When a child is feeling upset or out of control, that is not the moment to impart a rule or teach a lesson.
当孩子感觉沮丧或失控时，并不是灌输规则或教他／她什么道理的合适时机。
7. During play sessions, limits are not needed until they are needed! If you can’t say it in 10 words or less, don’t say it.
在游戏治疗中，除非需要限制，否则不需要限制！如果你不能用不超过10个词说出来，就别说。
As parents, we tend to overexplain, and our message gets lost in the words.
作为家长，我们倾向于过度解释，我们的讯息会迷失在语言中。
8. Grant in fantasy what you can’t grant in reality.
如果在现实中不允许，就在想象中允许。
In a play session, it is okay to act out feelings and wishes that in reality may require limits.
在一次游戏治疗中，表现出在现实中需要限制的感受和愿望是没问题的。
9. Big choices for big kids, little choices for little kids.
给大孩子大选择，小孩子小选择。
Choices given must be commensurate with child’s developmental stage.
提供的选择必须与孩子的发展阶段相一致。
10. Never do for a child that which he can do for himself.
绝不要给孩子做他自己能做到的。
You will never know what your child is capable of unless you allow him to try!
除非你让孩子尝试，否则你不会知道孩子能做到什么。
11. Encourage the effort rather than praise the product.
鼓励努力而不是称赞成品。
Children need encouragement like a plant needs water.
孩子需要鼓励，就像植物需要水一样。
12. Don’t try to change everything at once!
不要一次试图改变所有东西。
Focus on ‘big’ issues that ultimately will mean the most to your child’s development of positive self-esteem and feelings of competence and usefulness.
关注会对孩子积极自尊、胜任力产生影响的“大”问题。
13.Where there are no limits, there is no security. (Consistent Limits = Secure Relationship)
没有限制，就没有安全。（一致的限制＝安全的关系）
When you don’t follow through, you lose credibility and harm your relationship with your child.
当你不能一致地执行限制时，也就开始失去信任，并会危害你和孩子的关系。
14. Good things come in small packages.
好东西一点点来。
Don’t wait for big events to enter into your child’s world—the little ways are always with us. Hold onto precious moments!
不要想着制造一个大事件进入孩子的世界——细微的方式总是伴随着我们。抓住那些宝贵的时刻！
Other Things to Remember 其他要记住的事:
1. Reflective responses help children to feel understood and can lessen anger.
反映性的回应可以帮助孩子感到被理解，减轻愤怒。
2. In play, children express what their lives are like now, what their needs are, or how they wish things could be.
在游戏中，孩子表达他们现在的生活如何，有什么需求，或者他们希望事情是怎样的。
3. In the playtimes, the parent is not the source of answers (reflect questions back to child: “Hmm—I wonder”).
在游戏时间里，家长不是答案的来源（把问题给回孩子：“嗯…我好奇”）
4. Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.
不要问你已经知道答案的问题。
5. Questions imply non-understanding. Questions put children in their minds. Children live in their hearts.
提问意味着不理解。提问把孩子放在头脑中。孩子生活在心灵中。
6. What’s important is not what the child knows, but what the child believes.
重要的不是孩子知道什么，而是孩子相信什么。
7. When you focus on the problem, you lose sight of the child.
当你关注问题时，也就看不到孩子了。
8. Support the child’s feeling, intent, or need, even if you can’t support the child’s behavior.
即使你无法支持孩子的行为，也去支持孩子的感受、意图、需要。
9. Noticing the child is a powerful builder of self-esteem.
关注孩子可以强有力地构建他们的自尊。
10. Empower children by giving them credit for making decisions: “You decided to______.”
通过认可孩子的决策，让孩子感到充力：“你已经决定了______。”
11. One of the best things we can communicate to our children is that they are competent. Tell children they are capable, and they will think they are capable. If you tell children enough times they can’t do something, sure enough, they can’t.
我们可以传达给孩子的一件最好的事情就是他们是有能力的。告诉孩子他们有能力，他们就会相信。如果你告诉孩子足够的次数说他们做不到什么，他们当然就做不到。
12. Encourage creativity and freedom—with freedom comes responsibility.
鼓励创造力和自由——自由伴随着责任。
13. “We’re about to institute a new and significant policy immediately effective within the confines of this domicile.”
“我们要制定一个新的重要政策，在这栋房子里立即生效。”
14. When we are flexible in our stance, we can handle anger much more easily. When parents are rigid in their approach, both parent and child can end up hurt (remember the stiff arm!).
当我们能灵活地看待自己的立场时，就能更轻松地应对愤怒。如果家长严格地按自己的方法行事，最终家长和孩子都会受伤（记住僵硬的手臂是怎样的！）。
15. When unsure of what to say to child or what to do, ask yourself, “What action or words will most preserve the relationship or do least harm?” Sometimes walking away and saying nothing, or telling the child, “I need to take a time-out to cool off, and then we can talk,” is best. Always remember: “Nothing at this moment is more important than my relationship with my child.” (Also applies to spouses, significant others, etc.)
在不确定要对孩子说什么或做什么时，问自己，“什么样的行动或语言会最好的保护关系，或造成最小的危害？”有时可以走开，什么都不说，或告诉孩子，“我需要一点时间出去冷静一下，然后我们可以谈一谈。”是最好的。永远记得：“此刻没有什么比我和我的孩子的关系更重要。”（同样适用于伴侣，重要的他人，等等。）
16. Live in the moment—today is enough. Don’t push children toward the future.
生活在当下——今天就足够了。不要把孩子强推向未来。